Exploratory Essay

EmmaKarin Eriksson

Washingtonville, NY, USA
Posted by Mike Klepfer on 12/18/2008

Svemma-

Thanks for adding your stuff. I like it, in ways. I would say you really need to develop things more. That's not criticism. Some of this stuff may be too old to get back into the mindset of, I understand, but my advice would be to really concentrate on the language coming out of you. I feel like you have a natural humor that needs to come out more. You obviously wrote some of this stuff in high school and for sharing it, you deserve a trophy that says "I have balls," (figurative ones).

Now, when I talk about language, this is what I mean. This essay is about when you met Elliot and the genesis of your sexuality. Your description of it is intense. I like the opening paragraph about being naked in the woods. But you describe things simply as "electric" more than once. You have these long passages that aren't descriptive; they're hyperbolic. Think about that experience (if you care to revisit it), what did you experience sensually? If it was this ecstatic, erotic experience, give it to us. I feel like this overheated language hides things. If you want this to be effective, "unpack" your sentences a little. If Elliot was your "desire," illustrate exactly what that means. I don't buy the "hand" part at the beginning, either. What is the "altered state of being and consciousness?" Give us your thoughts and feelings as they were.

But this stuff is a rich goldmine. I believe you could write for years about it and only scratch the surface. Lacking self-confidence and the intersection of that with sex, I think, is something a lot of people can relate to. Most people, actually. You could say a lot with this. That said, I feel like I have a good impression of you. You're smart, sassy (haha), and you will stand up for yourself. I feel like as you develop as a person and keep expressing yourself, you'll have a lot to share with people. More of you belongs on the page.

Best sentence: "I just wanted to enjoy the people I was with, not vomit on them."

Let's see some more. Anarcha-feminists unite.

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