Throw Away

Kelsey Amell
I fall asleep with your heart pounding
 in my hand every night.
All the while, my temporal lobe is throbbing.
As i lay staring to the side,
I can feel the trickle of blood exiting my ear-
only the right side.
I don't dare close my eyes in constant fear to never awake.
I just might die.

To love, is to be certain.
Hurt is caused by confusion,
masking the gaiety like a curtain.
This blind consumes my sights
as i feel a hard mass upon the exterior, dancing about the lace.

That's right, it's a fucking gun.
One of which was not obtained with the option to run.
The fate of myself i could have never foreseen.
My life, so generous, has layed this on me
in a manner oh so serene. 
HA! sense the sarcasm....
I cannot fathom the balls it has.
The damn balls to foresake me?

A constant reverberation of this life's voice-
more like a demonic babel.
"What are ya gonna do now, huh?"
My usual response- "AAHHH! Fuck You!"
Why can't I fall in love without incident?
No, no, i know why.
It is because I don't have much time left.
You dare stamp "15 YEARS" on the bottom of my foot
and now, for eternity may i be caught in this root.
Thanks a lot, fuckface.

This gun pressed so forcefully to my head.
I look back upon everything.
I better fix this shit now-
I better figure this shit out now-
Only my fate knows when it will decide to pull the trigger.

Despite my prodigious mood, 
I stay true to my attitude- complete repudiation.
Until the end, all i can do is laugh nervously 
and wave at you my crooked middle finger.