Lick

Kelsey Amell
If I die-
Whether it be tonight, next Saturday,
or shortly after lying down for sleep and it forever becoming my last night-
I will be at peace with it.
I want to die living, by simply soaking up every last millisecond.
Never shall I fuck with the plan gifted to me upon birth, in fear of a punishment for fighting against.
What was meant to be will be.
I will not stand in the way of that, for selfishness is an imperfection.

Through many struggles, I have fought so forcefully to become the only "Me".
To discover my voice and let it flow freely.
To chance upon my sacred ability to affix my brain with something so simple as a ball-point pen
with way of hand.
With extirpation, pushing all deflected brainwaves I possess into beauty-
a much safer alternative-
and for it to gain much unexpected appreciation.
To never change my open-minded, blunt and professedly absurd existence despite constant avertion.
Against many persuasive attempts from the outside to change me, I will never change.
I will only allow them to proceed with failure.
I refuse to accept any less, and that is my greatest achievement.

All the while, just another shovelful is extracted from the eternal mass grave of every damn hope I once had.
Everytime I gain one, itself or another is violently raped away.
It's like the relation of bittersweet reverberation between a birth and a death.
For one given, one must be stolen.
No endowment is free, 
nor shall it remain unpunished.